Sunday, February 14, 2010

My Last Waltz


This is a song I wrote about valentines day a while back. Written down it looks pretty stupid, but I like how it sounds when I sing and play it on the guitar, which I haven't done for anybody.



“No!” said the clouds to the sun trying to shine.
“Sorry.”, whirred the bullet that left the gun.
“When?” said the man with his head in his hands.
“Forget.”, whispered the wind that bit the man’s face.
“Who?” said the woman who wouldn’t decide.
“No!” said the river that pounded the dam.
“Hate!” said the outlaw just before he was hung.
"Love..." thought the man who sat alone on the hill.
The devil laughed as the widow cried until she whispered sweet lullabies…
The devil laughed as the widow cried until she whispered sweet lullabies…
I'm gonna come back one day.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Trip To The Unknown


Our lives are busy and frantic, and often days speed by in blurs of time. Work and money keep the show running while it could take some time to realize that if we are not careful, we could lose some of our most valuable attributes. When is the last time a flower was carefully observed, noting the finest details of it? Or the sway of the waist high meadow grass in the fall, with the wind blowing away the songs and memories of summer? Or the rolling waters of the South Fork of the Snake River accompanied by a four count rhythm and moths dancing on the water to welcome the shadows of dusk? Miracles happen around us everyday, from seeds setting in the soil and growing through photosynthesis, to realizing that the person that matters the most is the one that makes you forget about the things that make our days go by in a blur of time, they are the ones who make you forget time is even flowing. When realism hits us, we still have that suspended timeless moment in our minds that we will be able to take to the eternities...it's these moments that make me fully realize how much I've missed her.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs...I am haunted by waters." - Norman MaClean

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Big Catch


It is no secret that I love to fly fish. There is a lot of observation, planning, and trial and error that go into it. There are some trout that will eat anything, usually brookies and some cutthroats more than others. The bigger, more experienced trout take more effort. When I get to the river and choose a good hole where a monster might be hiding in the depths, I observe the surroundings, the time of day, but most of all I observe and look for what might be on the menu. Usually there are little moths, caddis flies, and mosquitoes. I’ve learned that these prize trout, the ones that make it all worth it, are picky and are hard to fool. With just the right balance between art and skill, you can make one rise. I also strive to leave the banks and shallows to fish in the deeper waters where the big fish swim near the bottom in the cooler currents. When the hook is set, and the fight begins, all sense of time and worry about anything else is lost, and you are left suspended in a segment of time that belongs to you and the fish at the other end. There is no greater disappointment than when the fight with the fish is lost and it gets away with your fly in its mouth, but at the same time there is no greater thrill than fighting with the fish for ten or fifteen minutes till it gets tired enough to bring to shore. Then she is yours forever. In some ways fly fishing can be related to dating women. I would dare venture to say that a lot of women aren’t picky and will take any fisherman’s hook. I have always felt like I need to fish in the deeper water, and wait for a woman to rise and be caught up with what I have to offer. So it is that you will see me standing on the edge, somewhere just past shallow but near deep, with the water nearly up to the limit of my waders, in hopes of catching the most beautiful fish in the river. I am meant to fish in deep water...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Revisited


Sunday afternoons are always good times for reflection. I went to the old farmhouse that I had spent a good deal of my childhood in, after the conclusion of my sunday church services. The house, which was never very impressive to begin with, was in shambles, and a weatherbeaten shell of it's formality in my mind. The smell of sage still clung in the air, as I had remembered. I touched the ground that my bear feet had once trod hundreds of times over a decade ago. I didn't know why, but it made me sad and I felt like a dark cloud had been hung over my soul. It is always hard when this happens because I don't know who to turn to except God, and most times he makes me deal with it anyways. I looked around for some sign of memory that would give me hope and a little peace, and as I looked, I noticed the setting of many stories and many small moments that will always matter. Winter is still in full effect as I gaze on the mess of everything, but I didn't notice the cold as much as I noticed the growing hole in my heart. I realized the fear that was coming, and told myself that it had no place in my life. Even though I don't know the outcome of my journeys to come, I do know the direction i'm heading, and I pray that I may be led to good ends and good beginnings, for where somebody is going is all that really matters. When I look back on my past I realize that with each decision I made, came a lesson to be learned and appreciated. I still can't help but be haunted by it...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Grandpa Johnson


This is a sample of the book i'm writing for my Grandpa Johnson.


Travel and tourism was a rare occurrence during the war, so in the summer of 1944 my Grandpa and three friends set off to Yellowstone National Park, to enjoy America’s best idea. His friends who accompanied were Dean Blaylock, Don Forbush, and Leavitt Grover; they had all acquired bicycles and were ready to tour the park at their leisure. My Grandfather found his bike at the house of his Uncle Carl in a scrap/junk pile. He fixed the bicycle up and got it ready for the trip around the park. It was painted green and yellow, after a John Deere tractor. He also painted his safari style helmet the same colors to match the bike.
My brothers and I have always been under the impression that my Grandpa and his companions rode their bicycles all the way from Idaho Falls to the park itself. I was corrected, and even though this didn’t happen, it still didn’t take away from the story in my opinion. The boys had known the owners of Harts Bakery in Idaho Falls and had made arrangements to hitch a ride with the driver who delivered to West Yellowstone Montana. They got a ride all the way to Lairds Ranch just outside of West Yellowstone. From the ranch they rode the bicycles into the town, where they purchased a large amount of groceries for the trip ahead. When they came out of the store the realization came that the items would have to be carried into the park somehow. With some empty flour sacks they had created saddle bags for the bicycles which were then filled with the groceries.
The boys had entered an empty park, a chance that very few would ever have. Due to the issues of the time, mostly gas rationing, the park had been empty save it were a few rangers left to manage it. The park rangers had monitored the boys’ movements and kept an eye on them. But the boys were Idahoans, and did not need assistance when surviving in the wilderness. Boys that are raised or partly raised in the backcountry of Idaho are raised to be tough. I was always taught to reason before making a decision, and learn through my experiences but mostly the experiences of others. In this sense I can relate to my grandpa and the other boys he grew up with.
While camping here in the Rocky Mountains there are things a person must do while camping. First, find a place away from other people because a group of people from the city or California can altogether ruin a camping trip. Second, camp near a good fly fishing river, so dinner can be caught and cooked in good time. Third and probably most important is to bear proof your camp. Black bear and grizzly bear inhabit the Rocky Mountains. A black bear is a somewhat of a pushover and can be easily scared off by a show of aggression from a person. The most dangerous thing to do when facing a black bear or any other predator, even a dog, is to turn and run, because that movement activates the natural predator mode that these animals posses. A grizzly bear is a different story. When a grizzly bear comes around you have two options for survival, play dead and risk getting your face ripped off, or climb the nearest large tree and go up it as far as you can go. People say that it would be hard to do so, but the human body can do amazing things when adrenaline is pumping through it. I would choose the tree option if I was faced with the situation. Moose are also one of the dangerous animals to look out for; they will raid a camp just a bear will, only a moose is much larger. The bonus of dealing with animals such as moose, bison, and elk is that they will give you warning signs and grunts letting you know that you are not welcome in their pressure zone making them predictable. Animals have three zones, pressure, flight, and fight. The zones are notices when working with or around animals, wild animals have the same zones but they are more pronounced. When a person enters the flight and fight zones of an animal then they are in a bad position and could be seconds away from death or injury, but nonetheless memorable.
My Grandfather and the other boys were some of the only people in the park. This was a time when the Yellowstone bear population was fed a smattering of different foods by the park visitors. With the absence of people, the bears would use their amazing senses to seek out the boys for handouts. People would often toss food to bears, but when the bears didn’t get food, they would try to find it and get it out by force, making them very dangerous and bold. Pressure zones had shrunk in order to procure food; they would approach the boys around dinner time in hopes of some sort of meal or snack. Most of them were black bear, making the threat slight. One of the boys had tied all of the pots and pans to a string and would shake them any time the bears got too close. It worked well and would send the bears running in fear.
One morning they woke up to a grizzly bear napping on the picnic table. The bear was probably curious to see who was still left in the park and was probably hoping for some Californians, who were normally less than savvy when it came to camping knowledge. Nowadays it is suggested to never stand up to a grizzly bear or attempt to scare him off. The boys did just that, but luckily for them he was a lazy and forgiving bear. He probably realized that he had bargained for more than he hoped for and knew the boys would put up a decent fight. So the grizzly slowly sat up and moseyed back out into the vast forest.
They had mostly camped out, but were lucky enough to stay in the Old Faithful cabin. It is located near the center of the park, nearly thirty miles inward from the town of West Yellowstone. The Old Faithful cabin is huge, and at that time would have been relatively new. In its heyday brass bands would play high above in the crow’s nest, while dances and great socials would be held. Old Faithful is the most famous geyser, shooting up to 160 feet at times, and was named so because it could be timed in half hour intervals. It is not so faithful anymore, and now, one has to wait forty five minutes (give or take five to ten minutes) to see it erupt. Also, today there will be crowds of thousands of people watching a single eruption sometimes, most of them being foreign. When my Grandpa was there in the empty park, they were often the only people watching Old Faithful erupt high into the big blue hole in the sky.
Later they rode on to more parts of the large national park. Yellowstone Lake is a very large lake, when trappers first saw it they thought it was an inland sea. They weren’t wrong altogether in thinking so, because it acts like a sea. The waves are pounding and the water is rough and cold. There is a place just off the lake called Fishing Bridge, aptly named because people would often fish off of it. I have been to the park many times and have not seen a single soul fishing from that bridge. But back in the day there would be people lined up and down the length of it with their lines out, and of course they were bait fisherman. My Grandpa and the boys brought their fly rods and caught fish the respectable way. Fly fishing is an art, for only an artist catches a fish with a fly rod. They ate fish often, because fishing in Yellowstone is permitted but hunting is not, in fact guns aren’t even allowed in the park for most. It made me especially excited to know that they fly fished, because I am a fly fisherman myself, so is my brother Spencer.
The boys stayed in the park for a week, seeing some of Gods greatest creative expressions in nature like the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone, with the lower and upper falls completing the experience. On the last day in the park, they rode sixty five miles on bicycle from the Norris Geyser basin to West Yellowstone Montana then they headed back out to Lairds Ranch, where they stayed for a week and waited for the bakery truck to return. There was a young girl there at the ranch that he fancied, she was 14 and he was 15, so it was fairly innocent. I don’t the exact story but I believe Norman Laird owned an open cockpit plane, in which he took the girl and my grandpa on a ride over the park. They also rode horses, fished and did other outdoor activities in the company of the beautiful Gallatin Forest. Soon the bakery truck came and the boys returned home with priceless memories that they and their families will never forget.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thinking, that's all.


Sometimes the most profound thoughts come into my head as I lay there unable to sleep in the middle of the night. This can also be the time we some of the most ridiculous ideas creep in and seem good. I was always told that if I cannot sleep, write something, and sleep will soon follow. Some might say this is because writing is boring, but I say no. Writing is a composed art form, one that we can express with our words. Writing in the middle of the night could be an even more elevated form of art, the art of getting things off your chest.


Sometimes questions are not answered in a day, sometimes it takes months that eventually wrap into a single moment, and in these moments we discover either salvation, damnation, or disappointment. I would like to think that the insane are people who got there by waiting on an answer to a question that didn’t come in the time frame wanted. I’ve been there, and it is not enjoyable. In the darkness, light is looked for, and if we look hard enough we can find it and follow it.